you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
