i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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