Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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