btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Randomize
