I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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