i need an iv and a liver transplant
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
i was born a porn star she said
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
All I want is dick and wine.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize
