i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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