Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Randomize
