I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
