I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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