I don't remember. Are we still dating?
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
zippers are such a cool invention
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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