If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Boobs speak an international language.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Randomize
