It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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