So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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