I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
i drank out of a bidet.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Randomize
