there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize