I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Randomize
