I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
