Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Randomize
