wrigley field is MILF paradise
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
The best revenge is premature balding
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
