***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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