So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
