You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Well I just put wine in my tea
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
