Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
