Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
