Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
