Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
