Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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