it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
