Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Randomize
