Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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