I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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