Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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