I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
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