I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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