I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
