Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
