you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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