I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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