also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
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