Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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