Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
