I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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