Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
you inspire me to be a worse person
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
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