im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
