I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
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