Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
