nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
