the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Randomize
