The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
